Going ons...

I can't tell you how many times in the past couple days I have sat down at the computer to send an update and pictures, but I always seem to run out of time. I am working 56-64 hours a week and it is a doozy.

I hit my breaking point the other night. I had assisted in a birth that ended in the transport of the baby for respiratory distress. It was so hard for me to see the mom left behind at the birth center alone with her mother and bana going with the baby. Katie was hospitalized in the NICU when she was first born, so I could really relate to what the mother must have been feeling.

Soon after that assist, I was asked if I was ready to handle my first birth here. I said yes, but honestly, I was just exhausted and emotionally drained. Working here is so much harder than at home. The main issue is the language barrier. I feel so clumsy trying to communicate with them. I wonder if we are really understanding one another and I know that we are both missing some points.

So, after I got the mom checked in, I went into the kitchen and called Ivy, my preceptor and good friend. I poured out my heart and she just listened, validated and helped me work through the feelings. After we hung up, I had to go do my hourly check and mom looked great and labor was progressing nicely. I then went to call Ben and did the same with him as I did with Ivy. I am completely in awe of how wonderful and supportive my husband has been through this whole process. He is so selfless and encouraged me as well.

I had been hoping (and praying) that I would be able to endorse this mom before she had her baby to the next shift at 6 am, but at 5 am, she started vocalizing and I knew baby would be here before my shift was over.

A peace came over me and I knew that it was going to be ok and I would be given the stregnth I needed. At 5:46 a perfectly healthy baby girl was born into my hands. Her apgars were 9/9 and I couldn't have asked for a more uncomplicated, easy birth. God was so graceous and merciful in the whole process.

Since then, I have had a couple more shifts and a day of prenatals. I feel like I am getting into the swing of things here now. I am still missing my kids and Ben so much. I had never anticipated it being as hard as it has been. I definitely feel God's molding on my life. I feel broken and am learning to completely rely on Him.

Thank you all for your prayers, love and encouragement. It means more to me than you know.